I guess you could say we are settling into a routine. We are feeling very comfortable with University of Chicago. We go for Art's vitals and blood test early in the morning. Then, while we wait the hour for the results, we head to the cafeteria for some breakfast together. We head back and wait for the news about whether his blood counts are good enough to receive the chemo. We always experience some anxiety as we wait with all the others for the results. We have been very blessed that Art has been able to receive his chemo each time and we have been able to stay on schedule. We head to the back and say hello to the nurses who have given him chemo on previous visits, and meet our new nurse for the day. Each of these nurses is fabulous in her own way. We talk with the nurse and the doctor for awhile and discuss all of Art's symptoms and the progress. That's a wonderful word--PROGRESS!
Even some of the symptoms are becoming somewhat of a routine in that we know what to expect, however, some different side effects have come out with each treatment. Art is learning how to combat some of these. He had a horrible battle with mouth sores the first treatment, but he aggressively fought those the second time with some crazy gargling and rinsing with a salt water/baking soda solution. This helped tremendously the second time around. This last time the sensitivity in the hands and feet became prevalent, especially the hands. So much so, in fact, that he had to delay the chemo pills for a couple of days until the cracks in his hands healed a bit. Unfortunately, the extreme fatigue continues with each treatment--that's to be expected. Art says it's like nothing he can describe. The kids and I are in awe at how fast he can sit down and fall asleep in the oddest positions. Art has lost some weight, which we are fighting with lots of protein shakes and additional snacks. But, he still has not lost his hair. They said he would probably lose some of it, but we really haven't noticed that despite the short hair cut he's sporting now.
By the time Art has his "off the chemo" week, he's starting to feel better. It's hard to go into the next treatment, knowing what will be happening in the next few days. But, at least we can feel pretty positive that the chemo is working. Some days Art is pretty miserable, and that's when discouragement sets in. The doctor believes he will probably be on some type of chemo treament for the rest of his life. It's hard to imagine this and we wonder if what Art is experiencing is the new "normal" for him. We try not to think too long about that.
We have received a lot of questions about whether the cancer can be surgically removed eventually. Believe me, we would like the same thing. Can't they just cut it out??!! I'll try and communicate the explanations we have received from our doctor. To our medical family and friends--please forgive my inadequacy in this. First of all, thank you to those who have graciously offered to share their liver with Art! Wow--what a gift that would be! But the doctor says Art would not be a candidate for a transplant. The cancer in his body would view the new liver as "fresh meat" (in the words of the Doctor) and quickly attack it. The cancer is also throughout the liver, not just centralized in a few spots which could possibly be removed. Even though the cancer started in the esophagus, and there is a mass there, the mass is not giving Art problems. To try and remove that mass would be a major, complicated surgery, so the doctor is most concerned about shrinking the cancer in the liver and esophagus with the chemo. While we are happy the esophageal mass is not effecting Art, this is also the reason why the cancer could spread to his liver without us having any idea this was happening in his body. The doctor of course says we will continually re-evaluate the situation and possible treatments.
While we hear the doctor's explanations and the prognosis for treatment and curability, we have hope for a much better outcome. We know you all believe that as well and are praying for that. Thank you for continuing to be prayer warriors for Art and for our family. So many prayers have been answered and we ask you to praise God with us for that.
Emotionally and spiritually, we continue to have ups and downs. It's our desire to know God better through this journey. Our friend Mark has had a rough couple of weeks with some tough news about the spread of his cancer and a new course of treatment. Art and I have been frustrated by this and have felt anger and sadness and questions. But in seeing and talking with Mark and Diane, we feel so encouraged and blessed by their positive spirit and their total reliance on the Great Physician. We ask that you continue to pray fervantly for Mark's health.
I continue to bring all my questions, my doubts, my fears, my discontent, my impatience, my worry and lay it at the feet of Jesus. Sometimes the more I try and understand God, the more I realize that I can't. Many days I want to hold onto my uncertainties, but as I let go and allow His presence to fill my heart and mind, He allows space for me to experience peace and all the joy and goodness surrounding us everywhere. His ways are so beyond my understanding and I resort back to the simple truths I know in my heart. I find these simple truths echoed most earnestly in the words of hymns I learned growing up..."Jesus loves me this I know," "Great is thy faithfulness...Morning by morning new mercies I see," "How Great Thou Art," "It Is Well With My Soul," "Amazing Grace," "Love so amazing, so divine--Demands my soul, my life, my all!"
Our life goes on. We celebrate good things--birthdays, good grades, sports events, vacations, family, friends.... We still manage through the typical and tough daily challenges and emotions--work stress, our children's heartaches, homework, financial burdens..... But, going through this makes us live differently. Although we don't live it perfectly and we are definitely a work in progress, God is providing an underlying joy which goes far beyond our circumstances and He is helping us claim a total reliance on Him to meet our daily needs. We just can't live any other way.
Yesterday we left with Olivia and AJ to visit Art's parents in Florida for Spring Break. I don't think we have ever looked so forward to a vacation. We hope to relax with some good family time,sunshine and warmth. Although some of the chemo side effects will be in full force, we are going to try and take a break from "cancer", if that's possible. Please pray that we can experience that and have moments of the old "normal".
Again, please know that each of you are the physical presence of God in our lives--we are overwhelmed by it every day. He continues to make Himself known to us by the unbelievable acts of kindness, generosity, love, support and prayer we receive from the incredible people in our lives. Thank you and bless you.
Please join us in the following prayer requests:
- Thankfulness that the chemo seems to be working, that side effects are manageable, that we experience joy and hope every day!
- Thankfulness that Art is finally experiencing relief from the bad cold he has had since the first treatment, thanks to the antibiotic he started Friday.
- That the treatment would continue to work mightily in Art's body to remove the cancer completely.
- That our friends Mark and Chris would both experience full healing and relief from the cancer treatment they are receiving.
- That Art, myself, Makenzie, Olivia and AJ would strongly feel God's presence in our hearts and minds, and be drawn more closely into a trusting, deep relationship with Him.
- That we would have a wonderful time of rest, renewal and fun on our vacation!
With much love and gratitude,
Kris (on behalf of Art, Makenzie, Olivia and AJ)
