As most of you know, Art's scan in June revealed that the cancer has shrunk although it is still present throughout the liver. It has shrunk enough for his liver to be functioning within normal range and Art has not been experiencing pain and swelling in his abdomen. The doctor was ecstatic. I have to admit that although I knew this was good news, I said to the doctor that we were hoping and praying it would be gone (even though the doctors have always told us the chances of this were slim to none). For the first time, the doctor really explained how bad of shape Art was in when he came in to his office in January. Although this was hard to hear, we better understand the doctor's response. We are thrilled that Art is feeling so much better with little side effects right now from the cancer itself.
Art had a few weeks when he received no treatments. He enjoyed a time of renewed energy. He felt so good! But, the doctor didn't want to wait long before he put Art on a new chemo regime. Art had been on three types of chemo. He took Art off of the most toxic and powerful chemo--the one that caused the greatest side effects--and he is leaving Art on the other two. The doctor is hoping that this can keep the cancer from growing, and possibly shrink it more. Art will have a scan in a couple of months to determine if this regime is working to stabilize the cancer. The greatest side effect from this treatment has been pain in Art's feet. It can make walking and standing difficult. Although there is a constant battle with fatigue, the pain in his feet is a daily reminder of the battle going on in his body and his physical activity is limited--kind of tough with an 11 year old son who would like to play basketball and football all day! But again, we are grateful that the ongoing side effects are currently not more severe. Art is exercising again, and we were actually able to take some short hikes and a canoe trip on a mini-vacation to Starved Rock.
On another positive note, Art has never been told so much how good he looks and what a great tan he has! They ask "What's your secret?" You can imagine the stunned looks he gets (from those who don't know him well) when he says, "Chemotherapy!"
After the recent scan revealed that the cancer is shrinking but is still present, I had a conversation with my brother about how we were doing since receiving this news. To me, that's a really tough question filled with all kinds of emotions. I guess the big question in our minds is, "How do we live with this now?" The reality is, this is an ongoing fight. The doctor says the cancer will find it's way around the chemo and when it does he will be prepared to try a different chemo cocktail in hopes that it works. So, how do you live one day at a time? How do you NOT worry about the future and what this could mean for Art and our family? How do you plan for a future that seems so uncertain? What is the balance between trusting our heavenly father, having faith in the power of prayer and God's healing, but realizing that we have to live with different expectations and plans.
My brother explained his concern over this post diagnosis and treatment stage. He's a pastor/chaplain and he has seen how immediately after a diagnosis and initial treatment, the people experiencing it go through a time where basically they are carried through because of the huge outpouring of love and support, the Holy Spirit's power and a major kick of adrenaline. I definitely think we experienced that and we are forever grateful to all those who prayed us through it and were the physical presence of God's love in our lives. But, it's often after this initial period that spirits can decline and the day to day reality sets in. I would say we are continuing to work through that.
So, while we are trying to understand and figure out how we are going to live with this, my devotional today provided a beautiful reminder I thought I would share. "Understanding will never bring you peace. That's why I have instructed you to trust in Me, not in your understanding. Human beings have a voracious appetite for trying to figure things out, in order to gain a sense of mastery over their lives. But the world presents you with an endless series of problems. As soon as you master one set, another pops up to challenge you. The relief you had anticipated is short-lived. Soon your mind is gearing up again; searching for understanding (mastery), instead of seeking Me (your Master). My Peace is not an elusive goal, hidden at the center of some complicated maze. Actually, you are always enveloped in Peace, which is inherent in My Presence. As you look to Me, you gain awareness of this precious Peace."
Sounds easy doesn't it? Not exactly. But, the only way we can learn to live with this is to daily claim God's peace, His grace, His love and His constant presence. We also pray that the Holy Spirit will give us strength and wisdom as we find the balance between daily trust and choices about how we plan for our future.
Going through this has definitely changed our life perspective. During this time period where we feel a little more "normal", we find ourselves lapsing back into dwelling on things that are so unimportant, and having our spiritual focus drift. Art and I both agree how easily we can fall back into our old patterns. We both agree that although this has been an incredibly difficult journey, we never want to live without the spiritual changes that the Holy Spirit has worked within us, and the fresh perspective we have about the beauty of life, the reality of eternity, the love of our Heavenly Father, and the presence of God's Kingdom here on earth and in the lives of so many who have touched our lives.
The best thing about this blog is that we can share our thanksgiving and our needs, and we once again covet your prayers.
Please join us in praising God:
- for healing and that the cancer has shrunk and the liver is able to function normally.
- that Art has been able to maintain an incredibly positive attitude and that he still has his wonderful sense of humor that our family is blessed with every day.
- for a new appreciation of every day that God gives us to experience the beauty that surrounds us.
- for the gift of family and friends who give us so many moments of joy and love, in the midst of an ongoing battle.
- for Art's complete healing!
- for relief from side effects.
- for protection from discouragement.
- that our hearts and minds would stay Christ-centered, and that the Holy Spirit would work mightily in our lives and in the lives of our children.
- that we can be a blessing to others, as we have been so richly blessed.
- for His healing presence and comfort in the lives of my sister and her kids, and in the Dykema family as they continue to experience the loss of wonderful husbands and fathers.
- for His continued strength and healing in the life of our friend Chris Thompson, as he and his family also live with the ongoing reality of life with cancer.
