Grace

Again it has been awhile since we have posted an update on the blog.  I have never been one to write a Christmas letter, but this year it seems timely that we give an update, as well as wish all of you whom we care about so much a wonderful Christmas and New Year.

As in typical Christmas letter fashion, I hope you don't mind if I start out talking a little bit about our kids.  They are an integral part of this journey as well, and they inspire Art every day with laughter and positivity.  They are learning what it means to depend on their heavenly Father and that answered prayers often are not in direct response to a specific request.  They are constantly watching Art to determine his mood and our response to ongoing medical news.  We try and help them to understand as much as possible, while not limiting their minds to a medical prognosis that is not as positive as we would like it to be.  Their simple childlike faith challenges us and is a beautiful example for us to follow. 

Makenzie is mid-way through her Sophmore year at Calvin.  She has definitely settled in there, has declared her major of Communications with a Spanish and Art minor, and is making good friends whom she loves dearly.  She is fierce in monitoring our attitude toward cancer and chemo.  If she sees us getting down or negative, she quickly argues all the reasons we need to be positive.  She is an extremely capable young woman and is a huge help whenever we have the pleasure of having her

at home.  Her laugh dominates our home when she's around and we can't help but join in.  She makes sure we keep up all our family traditions and we love that about her!  She monitors our healthy lifestyle and has recently informed us she's training for a 1/2 marathon in the spring.  Art and I are not runners, so we are blown away by this.  We are so proud of her and are enjoying watching where God is leading her.

Olivia is a Junior at Glenbard East High School.  While she misses Timothy Christian, she has experienced numerous wonderful opportunities at this school.  She has some incredible teachers and is a part of an absolutely amazing choir program.  Her concerts are beautiful and she will be traveling to California over spring break with the entire music program from her school.  I now understand how tragic it is when music programs are cut from schools, because it is such a source of joy for Olivia at school.  Her Director is also a Christian and called us immediately after finding out Art's diagnosis to let us know he and his small group would be praying. Olivia continues to struggle with seizures and has actually experienced a seizure during a concert. Her director assured us that this would in no way limit Olivia's participation and that they would do everything they could to accommodate her and make her safe if this would happen again.  Olivia has a keen eye for giving her Dad the care he needs.  Her sweetest gesture is rubbing his feet with therapeutic lotion to help ease the pain and sensitivity.  Art is her source of laughter and joy and it's a beautiful relationship to watch.

A.J. is......well, A.J.  He is a constant source of love and sunshine in our home.  He is 12 years old and is in 6th grade at Timothy Christian.  Art and he have ongoing discussions about sports and share a love for sports trivia that often dominate our supper conversations and car rides.  A.J. plays basketball, football and baseball thrown in with some piano lessons to nurture his love for music.  His activities have been the greatest source of diversion for us in this past year.  But, it's his constant smile, infectious laugh, bubbling energy, and ongoing affection to us that keeps us positive and maintains a high degree of happiness in our home.

Art and I continue to work at Republic Services and ABS Graphics.  We have been blessed with incredible bosses and co-workers who are highly sensitive and supportive to our battle right now.  We know God placed us in these positions at these places for a reason.

All right.....now for the cancer stuff.  In about one month it will be a year since Art's diagnosis. We just finished up a 3rd phase of aggressive chemo treatments in the battle against cancer.  After a scan earlier this fall revealed that the cancer has not grown but has not shrunk any further either, we decided to follow the doctor’s recommendation to begin another series of more aggressive chemo treatments. The doctor wanted to attack it as much as possible while Art was strong and feeling good.  Art tolerated these past 8 weeks of chemo quite well.  He continues to experience pain and limitations in his feet, and fights ongoing fatigue and other side effects, but again, we realize the effects could be so much worse.  Art has been able to work and participate in most of our normal activities.  In looking at him, it's often hard to believe this battle is going on inside his body.  We will have another scan December 26, and a follow-up doctor visit on January 3.  We feel encouraged by the consistent lab reports Art receives before every treatment and we have very strong hope for a good report.  As always, we covet your prayers.

I have to admit that sometimes I hesitate to post on the blog, because I know it truly reflects how I’m feeling at a given moment.  In reality, if I read my blog post 1 day later, or even an hour after it’s posted, my feelings may totally change.  Ideally, I’d like to reserve my blog posts for times that I’m feeling really positive, connected to God in prayer and meditation, wise, grateful, strong, joyful, filled with the Spirit, in love with the world and all those in it, assured of a bright future, etc. because we hope to be an encouragement to others as we walk through this.   But, the truth is, whether you have something like cancer or are simply enduring some of the ongoing ups and downs of life, those moments when you feel completely positive and encouraged about everything in your life are often few and far between. 

Throughout this journey, it's our goal to always try to choose joy and happiness even in the tough circumstances.  We don't always feel it, and at some points we are downright miserable (just ask our kids), but we are embracing life exactly where we are, trying to ignore the insignificant stuff that can so easily overcome us, cutting each other some slack because we all have bad moments and make mistakes, and choosing to smile even in the midst of tears.  

So as we share this walk with you, we hope you see and believe that God will give you what you need for each day—that’s what we are finding out.  Our strength and emotions are all over the place, sometimes in the same breath--that’s why we ask you to join us in praying for strength for each day (maybe each moment) and bright hope for tomorrow.

Grace.  That's what the title of this blog is and that is truly what has been evident to us through this past year.  If you see anything by watching us go through this, we hope you will see God's Grace.  That's what's getting us through this and this is our prayer for all of you.  That you would experience God's Grace through every moment of 2014 and that His Grace would be shared with others through you.  We can only attribute the blessings we have received in this journey to God's Grace being showered down on us in so many ways. It is impossible to share all the moments where this has become so clear to us.

One of the most clear moments of God's Grace is in the attitude I see displayed daily in Art.  A little history about my husband--It has always been the little stuff that can really agitate him and get on his nerves.  Well, cancer and chemo is all about a bunch of little stuff affecting your body in weird ways.  In the past, Art would have probably lost it over all the inconveniences, annoyances and strange and painful effects as a result of the cancer and chemo.  He’s amazingly letting so much of that go.  As he has laid next to me in bed many nights wrestling with wires coming out of his chest from the chemo pump, and a fanny pack laying next to him in bed, not knowing how best to assume a comfortable position, wondering what side effects would pop out this time, he rarely complains.  Those were the little things that would have put him over the edge before—and now I stand amazed at the Grace God has given him to be able to handle this.  His patience has increased.  He’s even more patient with the kids and me, and makes it evident how much he appreciates so many moments with us.  My thoughts are often on the big things that I want to accomplish while we can….his thoughts are on the small and beautiful moments that he wants to experience daily.

I don't share this about him because cancer has suddenly made him perfect--he isn't!!  :) Our relationships have not suddenly been made problem-free.  Just ask him about our car ride the other day when we thought I was going to lose it.  I guess I share it because we see God giving us what we need, beyond us even knowing we needed it. 

I have to share a text I received from him last week.  I could tell a lot what was on his mind, and I just asked him to share his thoughts and explain what feelings were making the tears come so easily.  I thought he would share with me how anxious he was, or how tired he was from the side effects, or that he was worried and sad about the thought of what the future could bring.  I have to admit those thoughts overcome me at times.  Instead he says, "It isn't sadness as much as my constant struggle with the feelings of blessings I receive that I don't deserve.  I don't know how to get past the humbling feeling.  The kindness and love shown by so many. The thought of our family and how happy I am despite all the "_ _ _ _" going on with me.  The fact that I can still find such joy in our daughters and in our son.  I am amazed by God's Grace.  It makes everything o.k.  I continue to be in wonder at all of it."  That attitude can only be experienced by God's Grace, and the goodness that He works out in the midst of the most difficult times.

We realize that while we have experienced much healing and blessings in this past year, there are those close to us who have experienced great pain and loss and feel the burden of that immensely, especially at this time of the year.  We are certain that they have many moments where they are not feeling blessings beings worked out in adversity.  It may be impossible for them to see God's Grace and Love through the pain right now.  Our hearts ache for you and we can only offer our love, our hearts wide open to listen, and our imperfect words and support to help you through it.

On the top of our thanksgiving prayer list is all of you.  As I close this blog (finally), we cannot express our gratitude enough for all the love we have received from all of you.  We could not get through this without all your support and your prayers.  We wish all of you beautiful moments with those you love, an overwhelming awareness of God's Grace and His amazing Love for you, and true joy that encompasses both good and difficult times.

God bless you.  You have truly blessed us.

Praying for strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow.

With much love,

Kris (and Art, Makenzie, Olivia and A.J.)

It's Been Awhile

I have to start out by saying that I know it's been awhile since we have posted.  I guess my reasoning (excuse) for that is we have been trying to live a somewhat "normal" life for the past couple of months.  Every time I think about posting, I let something else take priority.  Cancer ruled our lives for the first 6 months of this year and I guess we are using this summer to catch our breath.  When I finally sat down to write an update, I re-read all of our blog posts.  In some ways it almost caused me to panic remembering the pain, emotions and loss experienced during the first half of this year.  In other ways it was a reassurance of God's presence in this journey.  We were always aware of God's goodness and His love for us, which was demonstrated daily. 

As most of you know, Art's scan in June revealed that the cancer has shrunk although it is still present throughout the liver.  It has shrunk enough for his liver to be functioning within normal range and Art has not been experiencing pain and swelling in his abdomen.  The doctor was ecstatic.  I have to admit that although I knew this was good news, I said to the doctor that we were hoping and praying it would be gone (even though the doctors have always told us the chances of this were slim to none).  For the first time, the doctor really explained how bad of shape Art was in when he came in to his office in January.  Although this was hard to hear, we better understand the doctor's response.  We are thrilled that Art is feeling so much better with little side effects right now from the cancer itself.

Art had a few weeks when he received no treatments.  He enjoyed a time of renewed energy.  He felt so good! But, the doctor didn't want to wait long before he put Art on a new chemo regime.  Art had been on three types of chemo. He took Art off of the most toxic and powerful chemo--the one that caused the greatest side effects--and he is leaving Art on the other two.  The doctor is hoping that this can keep the cancer from growing, and possibly shrink it more.  Art will have a scan in a couple of months to determine if this regime is working to stabilize the cancer.  The greatest side effect from this treatment has been pain in Art's feet.  It can make walking and standing difficult.  Although there is a constant battle with fatigue, the pain in his feet is a daily reminder of the battle going on in his body and his physical activity is limited--kind of tough with an 11 year old son who would like to play basketball and football all day!  But again, we are grateful that the ongoing side effects are currently not more severe.  Art is exercising again, and we were actually able to take some short hikes and a canoe trip on a mini-vacation to Starved Rock.

On another positive note, Art has never been told so much  how good he looks and what a great tan he has!  They ask "What's your secret?" You can imagine the stunned looks he gets (from those who don't know him well) when he says, "Chemotherapy!"

After the recent scan revealed that the cancer is shrinking but is still present, I had a conversation with my brother about how we were doing since receiving this news.  To me, that's a really tough question filled with all kinds of emotions.  I guess the big question in our minds is, "How do we live with this now?"  The reality is, this is an ongoing fight.  The doctor says the cancer will find it's way around the chemo and when it does he will be prepared to try a different chemo cocktail in hopes that it works.  So, how do you live one day at a time? How do you NOT worry about the future and what this could mean for Art and our family? How do you plan for a future that seems so uncertain?  What is the balance between trusting our heavenly father, having faith in the power of prayer and God's healing, but realizing that we have to live with different expectations and plans.

My brother explained his concern over this post diagnosis and treatment stage.  He's a pastor/chaplain and he has seen how immediately after a diagnosis and initial treatment, the people experiencing it go through a time where basically they are carried through because of the huge outpouring of love and support, the Holy Spirit's power and a major kick of adrenaline.  I definitely think we experienced that and we are forever grateful to all those who prayed us through it and were the physical presence of God's love in our lives. But, it's often after this initial period that spirits can decline and the day to day reality sets in.  I would say we are continuing to work through that.

So, while we are trying to understand and figure out how we are going to live with this, my devotional today provided a beautiful reminder I thought I would share.  "Understanding will never bring you peace.  That's why I have instructed you to trust in Me, not in your understanding.  Human beings have a voracious appetite for trying to figure things out, in order to gain a sense of mastery over their lives.  But the world presents you with an endless series of problems.  As soon as you master one set, another pops up to challenge you.  The relief you had anticipated is short-lived.  Soon your mind is gearing up again; searching for understanding (mastery), instead of seeking Me (your Master).  My Peace is not an elusive goal, hidden at the center of some complicated maze.  Actually, you are always enveloped in Peace, which is inherent in My Presence.  As you look to Me, you gain awareness of this precious Peace."

Sounds easy doesn't it? Not exactly. But, the only way we can learn to live with this is to daily claim God's peace, His grace, His love and His constant presence.  We also pray that the Holy Spirit will give us strength and wisdom as we find the balance between daily trust and choices about how we plan for our future.

Going through this has definitely changed our life perspective.  During this time period where we feel a little more "normal", we find ourselves lapsing back into dwelling on things that are so unimportant, and having our spiritual focus drift.  Art and I both agree how easily we can fall back into our old patterns.  We both agree that although this has been an incredibly difficult journey, we never want to live without the spiritual changes that the Holy Spirit has worked within us, and the fresh perspective we have about the beauty of life, the reality of eternity, the love of our Heavenly Father, and the presence of God's Kingdom here on earth and in the lives of so many who have touched our lives. 

The best thing about this blog is that we can share our thanksgiving and our needs, and we once again covet your prayers.

Please join us in praising God:

• for healing and that the cancer has shrunk and the liver is able to function normally.
• that Art has been able to maintain an incredibly positive attitude and that he still has his wonderful sense of humor that our family is blessed with every day.
• for a new appreciation of every day that God gives us to experience the beauty that surrounds us.
• for the gift of family and friends who give us so many moments of joy and love, in the midst of an ongoing battle.

Please ask God:

• for Art's complete healing!
• for relief from side effects.
• for protection from discouragement.
• that our hearts and minds would stay Christ-centered, and that the Holy Spirit would work mightily in our lives and in the lives of our children.
• that we can be a blessing to others, as we have been so richly blessed.
• for His healing presence and comfort in the lives of my sister and her kids, and in the Dykema family as they continue to experience the loss of wonderful husbands and fathers.
• for His continued strength and healing in the life of our friend Chris Thompson, as he and his family also live with the ongoing reality of life with cancer.

Praying for strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow!

With much love and gratitude,

Kris (on behalf of Art, Makenzie, Olivia and A.J.)

An Update From Makenzie--Calling All Prayer Warriors!

Hi everyone! This is Makenzie!! I’m finally home from college for the summer, and it is great to be home. The end of this past year has been rough, as you can imagine. But I just wanted to say a HUGE thank you to all of you for your support, love, prayers, and many, MANY meals and various gifts of love that you have blessed me and my family with. Even though I have not been home with my family through the majority of this trial so far, my parents would tell me about the many ways that they have been blessed by all of you. I could feel the love and support all the way up in Michigan. I know my family is surrounded by such amazing people and we couldn’t ask for a better army fighting with their hearts full of prayer for my dad.

I know my parents have been keeping up with this blog, and you have been able to read about how they have endured this experience so far. From a daughter’s point of view, it’s also not an easy journey. A dad is so much more than just a father, especially Arthur Vos. My dad is a friend… a BEST friend. He is a brother. He is a son. He is a husband. He is Mr. Fixit. He is my foundation. He is the one I run to when I am upset. He’s my biggest fan. He’s a comedian. He is extremely witty. He always knows just what to say. He taught me everything I know, and I have so much more to learn from him. As Father’s day is just around the corner, I am more aware of these traits that make my dad the greatest dad in the world (in my mind of course :) It’s by no means easy seeing my dad go through cancer treatments. It’s also incredibly hard to believe that he is actually sick, because he looks so healthy. But cancer never fails to remind us what his body is really going through when we see the sores on his hands and feet, and the incredible fatigue he experiences. We know that his side effects could be a lot worse, and we are grateful for that every day.

After my dad’s last treatment, the doctor’s decided to take him off of his chemo pills for a while because his hands and feet were so sensitive and they were afraid of infection. This break has allowed my dad to re-energize! He hasn’t been as tired lately, which is a huge confidence booster for our family. But this break from the chemo pills also means that if he has to start getting back into treatment routine again, it’s probably going to hit him like a ton of bricks. For my Dad and my family, this is a little scary to think about, but at least we know what to expect.  We pray that he's finished his last treatment, and that he will be pronounced cancer-free!

I just wanted to remind you all that this Friday at 8:30, my dad will be having a scan to see how the cancer is responding to the treatments. At 11:30, my parents will be meeting with the doctors to talk about the scan. We are asking you all to keep us in your thoughts and prayers as this day approaches, and especially on Friday. We are praying that God blesses us with a miracle this week!

As I reflect on everything my family is facing this week, the fruits of the spirit are evident in my mind. We are asking that you all continue to pray for:

- Unconditional LOVE for each other, even in the midst of stressful and difficult times. Love is one of the greatest medicines and, lucky for dad, he’s got a whole lot coming his way.

- That we continue to find JOY in the little blessings each and every day, because those are the things that make life worth living.

- PEACE in our hearts and our minds, because we know that God already knows what the outcome of this entire tribulation is. And it will be good.

- PATIENCE as we wait for results, and PATIENCE even if we don’t get the results we want.

- KINDNESS to each other, as it has been so hugely shown to us by all of you.

- The ability to remember the GOODNESS of our Lord and all of the countless blessings He has given us that we have seen every day.

- FAITHFULNESS to God even when we have doubts and fears, and continued trust in His FAITHFULNESS that He will continue to keep my family in his hands

- GENTLENESS and the ability to be still and let God fight for us; and the grace to show gentleness to others in the midst of turmoil

- SELF-CONTROL when we are at our wit’s end. And to remember that when life brings us to our knees, we are in the perfect position to pray.

- Strength as my family and I continue to embark on this journey together

- Trust that God has a plan bigger than ours and that He loves us with a love far greater than we can understand

- That my family and I can provide the care that my dad needs. (After all of the many years of my dad taking care of my scraped knees and “boo-boos”, I can finally return the favor!)

- For our family friend Chris Thompson and his family as he continues to recover and live with life after cancer, surgery, and continued maintenance.

- For my Aunt Cindi and my cousins Cori and Jimmy, and for Mrs. Dykema and her kids Ben, Amanda and Abby, as they continue to grieve the loss of my Uncle Jim and Mr. Dykema

- Thankfulness that God continues to bless us and gives us a bright hope for the future

- And finally… A MIRACLE!!

Philippians 4:6-7 seems to be theme of our journey so far. It has revealed itself time and time again to my family in many different ways, so I’d like to leave you with it as you think of my family this week.

 “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Phil. 4:6-7

Makin' Lemonade

Some thoughts from Art and an update from Kris...

From Art:

I talk to people all the time…. Part of my job. Some people I talk to for a long time and some for a brief moment, but still I never seem to be at a loss for words. So when it comes to the turn my life has taken, and people ask me “how are you?"  or “are you ok?” Well… I don’t know what to say. I know that the Lord has my best interest in mind. I read about it and have heard about it my whole life. “Not a hair can fall from my head without the heavenly father knowing” or “His eye is on the sparrow.. so I know he watches me” . Very comforting phrases indeed. I do however have to think about my situation and wonder.. Is this really what I am supposed to be going through? Is this your “divine plan” for me and my life?

There is an old adage of “when the world give you lemons.. Make lemonade." More catch phrases in the grand scheme of what is going on. They sound good and are true I suppose, but until you are going through anything traumatic, it is just readers digest stuff.  Things were going pretty good for me. My wife and I had both ended a job loss time frame, and we were on our way back to building up what we had lost for a good solid year. Just when you think things are going ok, with kids and school and employment, the Lord taps you on the shoulder and says.. “I have got a little something for you." Now adversity is something that we should learn something from. We are taught this throughout the bible and when it happens to you, it is a different story indeed.

You see I am at the “when life gives you lemons” crossroads here and I am figuring out how to make lemonade.  So I try my recipe… Chemo every 3 weeks… sore feet, mouth sores, different food tastes, different smells and tiredness. Throw in a little irritability and plain old crabbiness and there you go. I do not like the taste of this lemonade! I have had lemonade before and it tastes so good and this is not good at all.

So I take a step back to see how I can make this God given adversity into good tasting lemonade. And I think when I was first diagnosed in January--I had received (yes I went back and counted) over 435 emails. All from friends and acquaintances and people I had never heard of. That combined with the cards and phone calls and meals made me think. I was humbled in a way that I had never been. The appreciation and gratitude to so many people combined with friends and family--it's nothing short of amazing!

There it was. My lemonade! The vision of gratitude that my eyes were opened to. I was made to think more. In gratitude for what was around me all the time. A new vision perspective that makes me appreciate the humble nature of life and the many blessings that I have taken for granted.  Making lemonade from adversity is not easy, but I have to tell you it tastes so good!

I have to thank so many people and I am really going out on a limb trying to compete with the usual blog writer. I would like to thank Greg and Michelle Bouwer and Kurt and Lynn Jekkals and Kim Keevers-Palmer for the unbelievable job they did on the get together Saturday night!

I also need to thank (and this is fitting because of mother’s day ) a woman who is so many things to so many people but she is everything to me, my wife. I could not have taken my first step in this journey without her and for that I am so thankful. I love her so very much!

From Kris:

I will try and keep this a little shorter since I had a co-writer this time :)  It has been an unbelievable week for us.  Art received his 5th treatment last Friday.  We met with our doctor and he continues to be very pleased with the results he is seeing in Art's blood tests. Art will receive his 6th treatment at the end of this month and then will receive a CT scan at the beginning of June to see where we are at.  We feel very encouraged that we will have good news! 

Unfortunately it was a tough week for Art in terms of side effects--fatigue, off and on nausea, heartburn, increased mouth sensitivity and pain in his feet.  These side effects really wear on Art's emotions.  He says he is irritable, but I'm amazed by the good attitude he has been able to maintain.  We all have our difficult moments as we deal with this, but we get over these types of emotions much more quickly than we ever have.

As this past week went on, we had more and more beautiful surprises in store.  My brother John from California surprised us and flew in to walk the Epilepsy Foundation 5K with us and attend the function for Art Saturday night.  My sister and niece and nephew came in that same night from Tennessee.  That same day my brother Scott had successful back surgery to relieve some sudden and severe debilitation, and my niece Rachel, a breast cancer survivor, received good news a couple days earlier after another cancer scare.  We had a wonderful Saturday morning as we walked the 5K for the Epilepsy Foundation and joined to support others who suffer from epilepsy.  We celebrated Olivia having many seizure-free days! We had much to be grateful for and we were already feeling overwhelmed with gratitude.

The culmination of our week came Saturday night as our long-time friends threw a party to support and encourage Art in his fight against cancer.  This event blew us away as we visited with family and friends whom we haven't seen in years.  We are overwhelmed by the love, support and generosity of the many amazing people God has placed in our lives at different times.  It was exhausting and exhilarating at the same time.  Thank you, thank you, thank you for an unforgettable evening!  Our only regret is that we weren't able to spend more time with each of the many people who attended.

Please join us in thanking God for all the blessings we have received, just in this past week. We ask for your continued prayers as we lead up to a scan in June.  For peace in our hearts, for complete removal of the cancer which isn't what the doctors are telling us can happen, for wisdom as we determine the next course of treatment (if necessary).  Art told me yesterday that he feels he could be running out of the blessings that are in store for him because of everything we have already experienced.  Dare we ask for the blessing of complete healing? And I think we all would say "YES"!  Please ask for us.

Praying for strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow!

With much love and gratitude,

Kris

"God doesn't want to be a part of your life. He is life."

This is probably the hardest blog I have had to write since we began this journey in January.  While there is so much I want to say, I'm struggling with putting it all down.  And I'm afraid what I say won't even reflect the feelings of our hearts right now.

Many of you who read this may already know that our friend, and Art's partner in the battle against cancer--Mark Dykema--passed away last week.  Mark and Art envisioned beating this monster together, and celebrating together.  We had some great plans for celebrating. But that didn't happen.  Art and I would like to dedicate this blog post to Mark and Diane and to their kids.  In the last few months we have developed a rare bond with this precious family, and the impact they have had on our lives is very hard to put into words.  I'd like to try and share a few ways Mark has and will continue to influence our journey.

A few years ago, I read to our daughter Makenzie a bible verse at her Profession of Faith church service.  This verse was to be a "gift" that we were asked to share at the end of an 8-month mentoring process.  The verse I chose was Philippians 4:6-7 "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Jesus Christ."  At the time, that verse was becoming so real to me as we faced a variety of struggles in our family's life.  I wanted Makenzie to realize that in our lives we can present all our requests to God.  But I also wanted her to know that the verse doesn't promise we will get the answer we want--instead it assures us of the peace of God to guard our hearts and minds.  I also hoped for her that even in the middle of difficult circumstances, she could have a thankful heart.

The reason I share this with you is because after the service was over, Mark Dykema came up to me and said that I had given his favorite verse to Makenzie.  Little did I know that a few years later I would be watching Mark live out so much of what this verse means to me.  After they were diagnosed, Mark and Art were each given a prayer blanket by our dear friend on which people could write prayers and blessings.  Our families each gave each other this same verse on the blanket.

I guess this verse represents what I will remember most about Mark as he battled cancer.  He modeled a thankful heart about even the smallest blessings he and his family were experiencing and he shared those blessings so that others could give thanks with him.  And, although I know there were many moments of anxiety as he heard more and more difficult news, he continued to present his requests and fears to his Heavenly Father, believing and trusting in a love and in a plan much bigger than our human hearts and minds can comprehend.  Mark had a positive spirit through the journey, which rubbed off on those fortunate enough to be around him and/or read his blog.  And Mark's ultimate request was that God would be glorified through this, and He was...He was! 

Mark expressed that he questioned why both he and Art, two friends who are both in the same small group at church, would be fighting cancer together.  He said he wanted to ask God about that some day.  Well Mark, you've probably received your answer to that already, but in our case, Art and I knew the answer right away.  You and Diane were a gift to us as we started the cancer journey.

The evening after Art was diagnosed, Mark and Diane came over with the rest of our small group to comfort, support and pray with us.  Mark and Diane just honestly laid out some of their experiences for us and helped to calm our fears.  They said the first couple of weeks are horrible as the bad news is processed and you get thrown into medical terms and doctor visits.  But, they also said it would get better and we would fall into a routine and it wouldn't seem as scary.  They were right.

Mark also said that after a few weeks we would come to a crossroads about how we were going to choose to live this journey.  I don't remember all of his exact words, but I think the gist of it was this--We can choose to live this with fear and anxiety about what each step would bring, which is a pretty difficult way to live.  Or, we can choose to live it with peace in our hearts no matter what the outcome, trusting in a plan that is so much bigger than us, and believing in God's grace and mercy that allows blessings to flow out of trials and sorrow.  Mark felt blessed and experienced joy and peace in the journey!  Those aren't my words, those are Mark's words and I encourage you to read his blog which in the final days of Mark's life was completed by his son Ben.  Here's the link if you haven't read it...

http://www.mdykemaupdate.blogspot.com/

I think the best way that our family can honor Mark's memory and our gratitude to him and his family is to follow the beautiful example he set.  We're going to try.  I'm not going to lie--cancer is horrible and I know Mark and Diane would whole-heartedly agree with that point.  I'm not trying to idealize the cancer journey.  The fact that Mark is no longer with us on this earth, and more importantly not with his beautiful family, is heartbreaking.  But, Mark's joy and steadfast belief in a loving Creator, Father and Savior, and a perfect life beyond this world....well,....it gives us all hope.

One of the phrases that our Pastor shared in Mark's memorial service was "God doesn't want to be a part of your life.  He IS life."  That's always going to stick with me. It's easy to compartmentalize your life, and even put your "religion" or "faith" into a box that you take out when you need it.  But that's not enough.  Mark's faith permeated every aspect of his life.  Unfortunately it often takes something like this to force us into that type of constant communion with God, in which every thought, every decision, every action reflects that relationship and ultimately the heart of God.  Again, never perfectly. But, thank goodness His love and patience and forgiveness is so much greater than our shortcomings.

I ask for your continued prayers for the Dykema family as they grieve and painfully adjust to life without a husband and father.  And in true "Mark format" I ask you to join with us in giving thanks for the following:

• That our lives have been made better by men like Mark and my brother-in-law Jim, who have taught us so much about living, even in dying.
• That Art's cancer seems to be responding and the side effects have been controlled enough for him to receive two more treatments before a scan later in May. (Gotta admit, we are having trouble being positive about two more chemo treatments, but we know this is a good thing.)
• That our friend Chris's cancer is responding positively to his treatment!
• That we will be celebrating another milestone for our daughter Olivia on May 12--2 years seizure free!!!  We will be walking again in the Epilepsy Foundation of Chicago 5K on Saturday, May 11, to celebrate. We would love to have you join our team "Livvi Lu's Crew", and walk with us.  Here's the link:
• http://epilepsychicago.donordrive.com/index.cfmfuseaction=cms.page&id=1002&eventID=535
• That Mark and Jim ultimately won the war and now live a disease-free life in the presence of our Almighty God and Loving Father, and they will be waiting to greet us with open arms when we arrive some day.
• That we have family and friends and faith to help get us through every day.
• That we have this promise, which was written on Art and Mark's solidarity armbands--"Psalm 23--The Lord is my Shepherd.  I have everything that I need."

Praying for strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow.

With much love and gratitude,

Kris (on behalf of Art, Makenzie, Olivia and AJ)

The New Normal?

I thought I would give you a quick (well maybe not so quick) update.  Art was able to receive his 3rd chemo treatment this past Friday.  We were so pleased to see a further decrease in Art's liver counts--it's not in the normal range yet, but we're getting there.  Our doctor is very encouraged, and is so pleased about Art's continued decrease in liver pain, and that the night sweats and "tumor fevers" he was experiencing have also stopped--a good indication that the chemo is working.  He will hopefully have another chemo treatment on April 12, and then another scan at the end of April.  The doctor believes we will see progress and that he will probably continue with another round of this same chemo plan.  We were so grateful for this encouraging news.

I guess you could say we are settling into a routine.  We are feeling very comfortable with University of Chicago.  We go for Art's vitals and blood test early in the morning.  Then, while we wait the hour for the results, we head to the cafeteria for some breakfast together.  We head back and wait for the news about whether his blood counts are good enough to receive the chemo.  We always experience some anxiety as we wait with all the others for the results.  We have been very blessed that Art has been able to receive his chemo each time and we have been able to stay on schedule.  We head to the back and say hello to the nurses who have given him chemo on previous visits, and meet our new nurse for the day.  Each of these nurses is fabulous in her own way.  We talk with the nurse and the doctor for awhile and discuss all of Art's symptoms and the progress.  That's a wonderful word--PROGRESS!

Even some of the symptoms are becoming somewhat of a routine in that we know what to expect, however, some different side effects have come out with each treatment.  Art is learning how to combat some of these.  He had a horrible battle with mouth sores the first treatment, but he aggressively fought those the second time with some crazy gargling and rinsing with a salt water/baking soda solution.  This helped tremendously the second time around.  This last time the sensitivity in the hands and feet became prevalent, especially the hands.  So much so, in fact, that he had to delay the chemo pills for a couple of days until the cracks in his hands healed a bit.  Unfortunately, the extreme fatigue continues with each treatment--that's to be expected.  Art says it's like nothing he can describe.  The kids and I are in awe at how fast he can sit down and fall asleep in the oddest positions.  Art has lost some weight, which we are fighting with lots of protein shakes and additional snacks.  But, he still has not lost his hair.  They said he would probably lose some of it, but we really haven't noticed that despite the short hair cut he's sporting now.

By the time Art has his "off the chemo" week, he's starting to feel better.  It's hard to go into the next treatment, knowing what will be happening in the next few days.  But, at least we can feel pretty positive that the chemo is working.  Some days Art is pretty  miserable, and that's when discouragement sets in.  The doctor believes he will probably be on some type of chemo treament for the rest of his life.  It's hard to imagine this and we wonder if what Art is experiencing is the new "normal" for him.  We try not to think too long about that.

We have received a lot of questions about whether the cancer can be surgically removed eventually.  Believe me, we would like the same thing.  Can't they just cut it out??!!  I'll try and communicate the explanations we have received from our doctor.  To our medical family and friends--please forgive my inadequacy in this.  First of all, thank you to those who have graciously offered to share their liver with Art!  Wow--what a gift that would be!  But the doctor says Art would not be a candidate for a transplant.  The cancer in his body would view the new liver as "fresh meat" (in the words of the Doctor) and quickly attack it.  The cancer is also throughout the liver, not just centralized in a few spots which could possibly be removed.  Even though the cancer started in the esophagus, and there is a mass there, the mass is not giving Art problems.  To try and remove that mass would be a major, complicated surgery, so the doctor is most concerned about shrinking the cancer in the liver and esophagus with the chemo. While we are happy the esophageal mass is not effecting Art, this is also the reason why the cancer could spread to his liver without us having any idea this was happening in his body. The doctor of course says we will continually re-evaluate the situation and possible treatments.

While we hear the doctor's explanations and the prognosis for treatment and curability, we have hope for a much better outcome.  We know you all believe that as well and are praying for that.  Thank you for continuing to be prayer warriors for Art and for our family.  So many prayers have been answered and we ask you to praise God with us for that.

Emotionally and spiritually, we continue to have ups and downs.  It's our desire to know God better through this journey.  Our friend Mark has had a rough couple of weeks with some tough news about the spread of his cancer and a new course of treatment.  Art and I have been frustrated by this and have felt anger and sadness and questions.  But in seeing and talking with Mark and Diane, we feel so encouraged and blessed by their positive spirit and their total reliance on the Great Physician.  We ask that you continue to pray fervantly for Mark's health.

I continue to bring all my questions, my doubts, my fears, my discontent, my impatience, my worry and lay it at the feet of Jesus.  Sometimes the more I try and understand God, the more I realize that I can't.  Many days I want to hold onto my uncertainties, but as I let go and allow His presence to fill my heart and mind, He allows space for me to experience peace and all the joy and goodness surrounding us everywhere.  His ways are so beyond my understanding and I resort back to the simple truths I know in my heart.  I find these simple truths echoed most earnestly in the words of hymns I learned growing up..."Jesus loves me this I know," "Great is thy faithfulness...Morning by morning new mercies I see," "How Great Thou Art," "It Is Well With My Soul," "Amazing Grace," "Love so amazing, so divine--Demands my soul, my life, my all!"

Our life goes on.  We celebrate good things--birthdays, good grades, sports events, vacations, family, friends....  We still manage through the typical and tough daily challenges and emotions--work stress, our children's heartaches, homework, financial burdens.....  But, going through this makes us live differently.  Although we don't live it perfectly and we are definitely a work in progress, God is providing an underlying joy which goes far beyond our circumstances and He is helping us claim a total reliance on Him to meet our daily needs.  We just can't live any other way.

Yesterday we left with Olivia and AJ to visit Art's parents in Florida for Spring Break.  I don't think we have ever looked so forward to a vacation.  We hope to relax with some good family time,sunshine and warmth.  Although some of the chemo side effects will be in full force, we are going to try and take a break from "cancer", if that's possible.  Please pray that we can experience that and have moments of the old "normal".

Again, please know that each of you are the physical presence of God in our lives--we are overwhelmed by it every day.  He continues to make Himself known to us by the unbelievable acts of kindness, generosity, love, support and prayer we receive from the incredible people in our lives.  Thank you and bless you.

Please join us in the following prayer requests:

• Thankfulness that the chemo seems to be working, that side effects are manageable, that we experience joy and hope every day!
• Thankfulness that Art is finally experiencing relief from the bad cold he has had since the first treatment, thanks to the antibiotic he started Friday.
• That the treatment would continue to work mightily in Art's body to remove the cancer completely.
• That our friends Mark and Chris would both experience full healing and relief from the cancer treatment they are receiving. 
• That Art, myself, Makenzie, Olivia and AJ would strongly feel God's presence in our hearts and minds, and be drawn more closely into a trusting, deep relationship with Him.
• That we would have a wonderful time of rest, renewal and fun on our vacation!

 Praying for strength for today, and bright hope for tomorrow!

With much love and gratitude,

Kris (on behalf of Art, Makenzie, Olivia and AJ)

"Best I Have Felt In Quite Some Time."

"Best I have felt in quite some time."  That's the text I received back from Art yesterday when I asked him how he was doing.  I thought I'd start out this blog with that positive response!  That kind of summarizes these past few days and we are extremely encouraged.

I wrote my last blog after Art's first chemo treatment.  It has been a rocky road to say the least in the three weeks following the first treatment.  Art almost immediately caught a bad cold following the treatment which may have compounded some of the effects.  In addition to extreme fatigue, Art experienced significant sores through his entire mouth and some nausea off and on.  But, we are so grateful for the medicines they have developed to help combat the side effects of chemo.  We know that these helpful medications were not always available and it could be so much worse.  One of the frustrating things during the first chemo cycle was that the pain was not subsiding in his abdomen and even seemed to get worse at some points--we were tested with trying to keep our anxiety under control that the chemo was not working, and trying to be patient as we allowed the chemo to start doing it's job.  I know Art echoed others of you who have gone through extended illnesses when he said, "I wonder if I'll ever feel good again."

Last blog, I also asked you to pray for my brother-in-law Jim and his wonderful family.  Many of you know that Jim passed away soon after that.  My sister (Cindi) and my niece (Cori) and nephew (Jim) were by his side.  We were able to travel as a family to Tennessee to be there with my sister, her kids, my parents, my siblings, many of my nieces and nephews and so many more who have been a apart of my brother-in-law's life.  We cried and laughed as we shared memories about this man who made such an impact on so many, and we celebrated his life together.  It was a beautiful thing, and while it was a tough trip for Art because of his health, there is no way he would have missed it.  Please continue to pray for their family.

In the last few days we have really felt encouraged.  On Friday Art was able to receive his 2nd round of chemo.  This was a huge answer to prayer.  We were concerned with his cold that his white blood cell count would have been too low, but it was right where it should be.  We were also thrilled to see his liver counts improving.  That alone put a smile on our faces the rest of the day at University of Chicago.  And, the doctors and nurses were glad to hear that Art has not had to be on as many pain killers.  The pain in his liver was beginning to lessen.  In fact, in these last couple of days, Art has even been able to lay off the Aleve.  As I write this though, some effects are starting to rear their ugly heads again.  But, it's so good to know that the chemo that is causing these effects is starting to do what it's supposed to.  We hope that continues and we are grateful for a few better days!

While every day we wait to see what different effects or symptoms Art will experience, and every day we wonder what the outcome of this journey will be, we are blessed that every day we see God's incredible goodness in people and experiences surrounding us.  It seems that some times we can get so wrapped up in the bad that's happening in the world.  All you have to do is put on the news and it can be a little overwhelming as we wonder what is happening in this world?  It's strange that something as horrible as cancer can open your eyes so wide to all the goodness in the world--true evidence of God's Kingdom at work!  As Art and I walked through the University of Chicago Medical Center, meeting with different people for blood work, talking to receptionists, ordering and paying for some breakfast at the cafeteria, we said to each other, "Everyone seems so happy here."  Even the janitor mopping the floor in the cafeteria was jovial and smiling.  Maybe being exposed to so many people who are going through hardships brings out more compassion and joy, hoping in some way that their joy will be contagious to those who are hurting.  I know it had that effect on us.

I've said this before, but we continue to be overwhelmed with the outpouring of love, prayers, and acts of kindness.  In addition to heartfelt cards (almost every day it seems), wonderful and extremely helpful meals, encouraging texts and emails, helping to take really great care of our kids (and our dog) and provide rides, sharing of jokes to make us smile....... we have had some other amazing highlights like visits and meals with some of you, a celebration of our friend's 50th birthday, the gift of a prayer blanket with verses and notes of encouragement from many of you, an incredible evening at the Bulls game, and so many other special moments to brighten our days during difficult times.  Our words cannot express the gratitude we feel.  Art and I just look at each other and shake our heads in amazement at God's goodness being demonstrated by each of you.  There are LOTS of people who live out, "What would Jesus do?"

We feel the prayers of the "Army For Art" and we ask that you continue to pray....

• That the chemo would be effective in removing the cancer
• That Art's pain and swelling in his abdomen would continue to decrease
• That the side effects of the chemo would be minimal
• That Art would be able to maintain a positive spirit through the treatment and that I can support him in that
• That we would be free from anxiety and learn patience
• That our parents would receive comfort and peace as they watch their children go through this.
• That Art, myself, Makenzie, Olivia and A.J. would feel a strong presence of the Holy Spirit and draw closer to Him
• That God's beautiful light would shine through us as we have been warmed by His beautiful light shining through others
• That our friends Mark and Chris would experience great healing through their cancer treatments

Praying for strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow!

With much love,
Kris (on behalf of Art, Makenzie, Olivia and A.J.)

Chemo and Peace

It seems strange to put those two words together--chemo and peace--yet, there is a strange feeling of relief that these strong chemicals were put into Art's body for the first time yesterday.  We've been waiting, knowing this was the path that was recommended, and fearful that the cancer was growing while we were waiting.  This was a long week getting prepared for this, but there is a sense of peace now knowing that the chemo is hopefully doing some of the physical work for Art in fighting this disease. 

The emotional battle began several weeks ago and we have certainly have had our ups and downs.  But of this we are sure.  "Psalm 23--I have everything that I need."  This is what it says on the arm band that Art wears in solidarity with Mark Dykema as they both fight this battle.  We know we have a God who loves us so deeply beyond our wildest imagination, and we trust that He will walk with us and carry us through this journey.  We desperately cling to that.

In writing this blog, I don't mean to make it sound like we have it all together, with faith that will move mountains, because we don't.  We question, we're angry, we're sad, we doubt, we're scared, we're anxious.  But, then we have moments where God's hand in this is so clear and so beautiful, and we truly understand "In all things, God works for the good of those who love him."  Cancer brings out His goodness in others who surround us, and we see God's Kingdom here on this earth.  We are humbled and grateful and joyful, in the middle of a tough journey.

Art's other arm band he wears says "No One Fights Alone".  In our case, we certainly feel that and we once again express our gratitude for the love, support and prayers we have received.  We say time and time again, how could we ever get through this without faith, family and friends?  These are unbelievable gifts.  We saw a lot of sick people yesterday, walking similar paths to us. We wonder about their stories and we hope that somehow when we are there with all these hurting people, that we can bless them as we have been blessed.

Just a note about oncology nurses--they are incredible!  We were so overwhelmed with their kindness and knowledge and positive energy yesterday.  We felt uplifted after leaving the infusion center at U of C yesterday, and we feel very good about the medical care we are receiving.  That is a huge answer to prayer.

Art will be receiving 4 rounds of chemo.  Each cycle begins with an infusion followed by 2 weeks of daily chemo pills.  He is off one week before he begins his next cycle.  This should take approximately 12 weeks, but we are told that we have to be extremely flexible in this journey as we will be experiencing a number of ups and down.

This morning as I write this, Art feels good.  The steroids he has received are giving him a boost, and he seems to feel more comfortable with his pain.  We're told in the next couple of days he will probably start to experience some of the "typical" chemo side effects but we are grateful for the meds they have today to help combat this.  Again, we wait to see how it affects him. 

Our specific prayer requests would be:

• That the chemo would kill the cancer cells and that the beautiful, healthy cells would remain strong.
• That side effects would be controlled.
• That we would not be afraid.
• That I will be able to provide the care that Art needs.  I get pretty anxious when I see Art in pain or hurting.  Please pray that I will be able to be strong and intuitive to his emotional and physical needs.
• That we would continue to feel God's presence.  We know there will be times where it will be difficult to trust and even be able to talk to God and know what to ask for.  We know you'll be asking God for us to give us what we need.
• Again, please keep Mark and Chris, our good friends, in prayer as they battle with Art against cancer.
• A new request:  Some of you know about the long decline in my brother-in-law's (Jim's) health.  This decline has been significant, especially in the last couple of weeks.  Please pray for grace and peace for this wonderful man and his family.  All of them are such a gift to those who know them.

Praying for strength for today, and bright hope for tomorrow.

With much love,

Kris (on behalf of Art, Makenzie, Liv and AJ)

The Latest--Making Progress

Just as we know many of you having been waiting to hear an update about Art's condition and treatment, we too have been waiting--waiting to have appointments scheduled with various doctors at various hospitals, waiting to hear test results, waiting to hear doctor recommendations, waiting for pain meds to start kicking in, waiting to make decisions, etc..  These past couple of weeks have involved a lot of waiting for all of us, but we are happy to let you know that we are moving forward.

We can't say we have learned much new information during this waiting process.  The prognosis and treatment plan have stayed pretty consistent.  Art has a malignant mass at the base of his esophagus and the cancer has spread throughout his liver.  The doctors recommend treatment with chemotherapy and neither radiation nor surgery are an option at this point.

Art will hopefully be having some final tests done in the next couple of days, as well as having a port put in for chemo.  We hope to start treatment at University of Chicago next week.  We do not know any kind of a schedule at this point.

These are the things we are sure of and we ask that you join us in praising God for these things:

• Art and our family feels incredibly loved by our families and friends, and by those whom we don't even know who have reached out to us with prayer and support.  It is completely overwhelming and touches us beyond belief.
• While we are grateful for top-notch medical hospitals and doctors in the Chicago area, we are even more grateful for our faith in the Great Physician, the ultimate Healer of all pain and suffering, who has the power and control to allow good and blessings to flow out of this difficult journey. We feel these blessings already.
• Pain killers work.  Art has been experiencing increased, significant pain, and we are grateful that he has been experiencing relief through powerful meds.
• Children bring joy--whether it be our own kids, their friends, our nieces or nephews, or a little child looking at us in the doctor's office, children bring a smile to our faces and our hearts.  No wonder Jesus said, "Let the little ones come to me."
• Laughter truly is the best medicine and we need that to continue in our lives.
• We have jobs and co-workers that are supportive of us.
• God has answered ours and your prayers already--He provided clear direction as we decided which doctor/hospital to proceed with for treatment.  We are so incredibly thankful for that.  Art and I don't pride ourselves on being the best decision-makers so this clarity was an unbelievable blessing. 
• Meals that people bring over are a huge help and an awesome, tangible expression of caring.
• The love between a husband and wife is truly a gift from God to be valued and nurtured.  Cancer makes that painfully evident.
• We have hope for healing and that God will be glorified in this journey.

I could go on and on, but then I wouldn't have anything else to blog about in the future :)

We ask for prayers for the following:

• That Art's pain would remain controlled as we wait for the chemo to shrink (and Get Rid Of!) the cancer.
• That the chemo would quickly shrink (Get Rid Of!) the cancer.
• To dispel fear in our hearts and minds, that we might have the ability to trust our Heavenly Father each moment as we walk hand in hand with Him.
• That God would work mightily in our childrens' hearts and lives as they walk this journey with us.
• For healing for our dear friends, Mark Dykema and Chris Thompson, who began their battle against cancer just several months before us.  They are close in age to Art, each married with children.  They have already inspired us and shared their insight and wisdom with us as we begin the battle they are currently fighting.  We are so grateful for them and their wives, Lisa and Diane.

I think that's enough for today.  I will try and keep you informed along the way.

Praying for strength for each day, and bright hope for tomorrow.

With much love and gratitude,

Kris (on behalf of Art, Makenzie, Livvi and AJ)